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By Marc Heiden, since 1997. January 25, 2011 Last year, I photographed a work event where a Navy admiral was giving a talk to some cadets about leadership. He used this metaphor to illustrate the concept of commitment: "The chicken is involved in breakfast. The pig is committed to breakfast." Let me tell you, I am committed to breakfast like a tofu scramble. I just show up every now and then with a random blend of spices and various ingredients that suggest other ingredients without arriving at them completely. Well, here's the latest serving. I got married in November. Since then, pretty much everyone I have met, from friends to receptionists, has begun a conversation by asking how married life is treating me. I was initially tired of answering that question, but then I came to see it as a means of spreading absurd, slanderous lies that will eventually make their way back to K., my wife, and outrage her. (She is at her most adorable when she is outraged; poor woman.) But for you, I reserve the truth. Married life is not so different from co-habitating, or co-habitating with a mortgage, except in two critical respects: we are not saving money for anything in particular, and I find way more lint in my belly button than I did back then. This latter development is particularly bizarre, because my weight has not changed at all since the wedding, and while I have bought new undershirts since then, they are tight and white, almost certainly not capable of generating lint in these quantities. Hence, I think it is only reasonable to assume that my wife is planting lint in my belly button while I sleep, in accordance with some bizarre pagan mind-control ritual that she learned while growing up in the suburbs. This is why I was always warned about suburban women.
It's January 2011, and I am still publishing this nonsense. I woke up in a strange place is the work of Marc Heiden, born in 1978, author of two books (Chicago, Hiroshima) and some plays, and an occasional photographer. Often discussed: Antarctica, Beelzetron, Books, Chicago, College, Communism, Food, Internet, Japan, Manute Bol, Monkeys and Apes, North Korea, Oregon Trail, Outer Space, Panda Porn, Politics, RabbiTech, Shakespeare, Sports, Texas. Archives: January 2012, December 2011, January 2011, September 2010, August 2010, June 2010, March 2010, October 2009, February 2009, January 2009, September 2008, August 2008, March 2008, February 2008, October 2007, July 2007, June 2007, January 2007, September 2006, July 2006, June 2006, January 2006, December 2005, September 2005, August 2005, July 2005, June 2005, May 2005, March 2005, February 2005, January 2005, December 2004, October 2004, July 2004, June 2004, May 2004, April 2004, February 2004, January 2004, December 2003, November 2003, October 2003, September 2003, August 2003, July 2003, June 2003, May 2003, April 2003, March 2003, February 2003, January 2003, December 2002, November 2002, October 2002, September 2002, August 2002, July 2002, June 2002, May 2002, April 2002, March 2002, February 2002, January 2002, December 2001, November 2001, October 2001, September 2001, August 2001, July 2001, December 1999, November 1999, October 1999, May 1999, February 1999, January 1999, December 1998, November 1998, October 1998, June 1998, May 1998, April 1998, March 1998, February 1998, December 1997, November 1997, October 1997, September 1997, and the uncategorised wilderness of the Beelzetron era: 010622 - 010619, 010615 - 010611, 010608 - 010604, 010601 - 010529, 010525 - 010521, 010518 - 010514, 010511 - 010507, 010504 - 010430, 010427 - 010423, 010420 - 010416, 010413 - 010409, 010406 - 010402, 010330 - 010326, 010323 - 010319, 010316 - 010312, 010309 - 010307, 019223 - 010219, 010216 - 010212, 010209 - 010205, 010202 - 010109, 010126 - 010122, 010119 - 010115, 010112 - 010108, 010105 - 010102, 001229 - 001224, 001222 - 001218, 001215 - 001211, 001208 - 001204, 001201 - 001124, 001124 - 001120, 001117 - 001113, 001110 - 001106, 001103 - 001030, 001027 - 001023, 001020 - 001016, 001013 - 001010, 001006 - 000927. Written by Marc Heiden, 1997-2011. |
