I woke up in a strange place

By Marc Heiden, since 1997.
See also: a novel about a monkey.


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June 9, 2003

When asked to guess where I am from, here are Japanese students' top five responses, along with the reason most frequently given for the choice:

5. New Zealand ("I have friend in New Zealand")
4. Canada ("You look nice", "You smile", "I go to Canada")
3. United States ("You are very big", "You seem relax", "I like America")
2. Australia ("All teachers are from Australia")
1. England ("You look like gentleman")

England is the winner by a mile (and that's always the reason they give). None of the others even come close. I do get a little annoyed with the ones who choose Australia, because they're avoiding the question (no other reason has ever been given for that choice), and thereby screwing with a valuable scientific inquiry. It's true that nearly 90% of the other teachers school-wide are from Australia, but I don't think our branch has more than one or two, due to some quirk of dispersal.

Here is a picture from my old neighborhood, Juso, in Osaka.



BEAR: Here I come!!
LION: I can't even believe you're going to step to me with that pole.
BEAR: I know how to use this! I will win the ice cream.

Okay. Now, guess where those fighting chums are found.

If you said "the police station", you are probably a crack addict, but in this instance, you are right, and no one can take that away from you. That is the local police station in Juso. Criminals are warned: there's an agreeable bear with a pole in these lands, so watch the fuck out.

Posted on June 9, 2003 03:53 AM |




I woke up in a strange place is the work of Marc Heiden, born in 1978, author of two books (Chicago, Hiroshima) and some plays, and an occasional photographer.

Often discussed:

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Written by Marc Heiden, 1997-2011.