I woke up in a strange place

By Marc Heiden, since 1997.
See also: a novel about a monkey.


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August 27, 2002

Tonight is the next-to-last night of our bowling league. An angel appeared to me and instructed me to eviscerate my opponents with powerful bowling, but to stop short of pissing on their corpses. That is what I plan to do. I am well known for being disrespectful to demons and cooperative with angels.

(news) Cambodian workmen have unearthed 27 solid gold Buddha statuettes, buried for hundreds of years beneath the foundations of a ruined pagoda hidden deep in the jungle, officials said Tuesday. The statues, about four inches high and each weighing around one pound, came to light at the weekend when builders started restoration work on the centuries-old pagoda destroyed by the Khmer Rouge in the 1970s. Monks and nuns were overjoyed at the find, kicking off three days and two nights of religious celebrations.

I started to explain to the rabbi that I was being sulky because work was preventing me from joining the party with the monks and nuns about the buddhas, but I did not think he would understand. Nevertheless: no, that is not where you stashed your buddas, and you are to leave the monks and the nuns to celebrate in peace.

MONK: What a find!
NUN: Yes!
MONK: This calls for three days of celebration!
NUN: And two nights!
MONK: But not the third night!
NUN: No!
MONK: We got praying and shit to do.
NUN: Dag.

I was in on the conference call, so I know.

Posted on August 27, 2002 05:13 PM |




I woke up in a strange place is the work of Marc Heiden, born in 1978, author of two books (Chicago, Hiroshima) and some plays, and an occasional photographer.

Often discussed:

Antarctica, Beelzetron, Books, Chicago, College, Communism, Food, Internet, Japan, Manute Bol, Monkeys and Apes, North Korea, Oregon Trail, Outer Space, Panda Porn, Politics, RabbiTech, Shakespeare, Sports, Texas.

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Written by Marc Heiden, 1997-2011.