Without warning, my television up and stopped working. It is one of the things that I will be remembering on this Memorial Day. My memories of the television are still fairly fresh, as it only stopped working this weekend. When the other items I have designated for memorial purposes this year grow hazy, and the effort to recall them becomes tiring, I shall return to thoughts of the television.

Here are my projects for this year's Memorial Day:

1. People who died in wars instigated by the Ottoman Empire;
2. Lesser pirates;
3. Carthage.

I am trying to make a point of memorializing under-memorialized events and personages, because I am really quite helpful. I know that this is going to be misinterpreted as cavalier and glib, but the people who misinterpret these sincere gestures of mine are a bunch of functional illiterates, and, frankly, I care more about the lesser pirates.