I read the news every day, searching far and wide for stories that are overlooked or underserved by the mainstream media and require the attention of a news outlet such as this one. I read a lot of stories, good and bad. Most are filed away for reference, and a select few are used on this web page. Every once in a while, though, a story comes along that chills me to the bone. It is my responsibility as a reporter to face these grim incidents with objectivity and clarity. This, unfortunately, is one of those times. Material contained in update may not be suitable for younger readers. Parents, please be advised. (1)

MURDER IN THE MONKEY HOUSE: A SPECIAL REPORT.

Monday, December 3 was a day like any other in the primate house at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago, Illinois. Gorillas trumbled, orangutans lolled, bonobos wanked -- and chimps swung, leaped, played their part in the grand pageant of life. There were six chimpanzees in that primate house: two males, M'Chawi and Keo, and four females, Donna, June, Vicky and Kibali. Most of them were older apes, save M'Chawi and Kibali, who were both in the prime of their lives. M'Chawi was the resident alpha male. He lived above the rim, as it were. On that morning, like so many others, any lucky visitors in the early morning would have been delighted by the sight of the magnificent M'Chawi on the upper monkey bars.

None of those visitors could know, though, the secrets that lay within that primate house. M'Chawi's was not a democratic alpha male-ship. From the moment he arrived, he wanted to be the alpha male, and he got his wish...but at what cost? What enemies did he make along the way? Not the females, to be sure. They enjoyed his hot monkey (attention). But questions lingered...

On December 5, 2001, readers of the Chicago Sun-Times received sad news in their morning paper. I was one of those readers. It was not my morning paper; it was someone else's morning paper, and it probably passed through many hands before arriving in mine. It was my afternoon paper. Giving nary a fuck about the other stories, I headed straight for the monkey news. And what I found there shocked me.

(news) M'Chawi, a middle-aged male chimpanzee born at Lincoln Park Zoo in 1978, has died. The chimp collapsed about 11:15 a.m. Monday, during a routine morning with the exhibit's four females and the other male. "It certainly was a shock,'' said Lincoln Park Zoo primate curator Kristen Lukas.

My first reaction to the news was self-centered. That monkey could have been me, I thought. He was born in 1978. So was I. Twenty-three years old? So young...

The 23-year-old, 240-pound chimp had seemed in good health, she said. His family history suggests he might have had a heart attack. Chimps can live into their 40s in captivity, but M'Chawi already outlived his father, Sam, who died at age 19, and his mother, Shauri Jet, who died of cardiac complications when she was 21, zoo spokeswoman Kelly McGrath said.

Surprising as the death was, the zoo already seemed to have a pat explanation in place. Heart problems. Sam, gone at 19. Good old Sam. But something didn't add up. My grandfather has serious heart problems and I've never had any. Maybe that's what bothered me. Maybe the pieces just fit too easily together. Either way, I didn't buy that an otherwise healthy chimp, an alpha male at that, would suddenly drop dead. You don't fight your way to the top with a ticker that's about to blow. There had to be something else.

I read a little further...and suddenly, it all came back to me.

The chimps were together in the Great Ape House, when M'Chawi, on the upper level, "appeared to get still and got weak'' and collapsed, Lukas said. The other chimps "went up to him and touched him, almost like they were expecting a response.''

The remaining male chimp at Lincoln Park, named Keo, is 44.

Keo. Oh, shit. Keo.

Flash back to November 5, 2001:

(news) Keo, the extroverted, swaggering showoff chimpanzee at Lincoln Park Zoo who loved to hoot and scream as he marched in front of the public with his shoulder-rolling, bowlegged gait, has changed. Once loud, he's quiet. Once extravagant, he's deferential. The 43-year-old even looks smaller than he was just four months ago. In short, Keo is now behaving more like a chimp in the wild.

It's a simple numbers game. Before M'Chawi could take over at the top, someone had to move down and make room. Keo was that someone.

That was precisely the zoo's goal when keepers decided to combine their two chimpanzee groups into one. M'Chawi, a big, virile 23-year-old male, and two females, Donna, 36, and June, 34, joined Keo and two other females, Vicky, 37, and her daughter Kibali, 21, in July. The move was difficult for the keepers, who watched uneasily as M'Chawi bloodied Keo to establish his dominance. But the resulting social structure, now quite peaceful, provides zoo visitors with a better picture of how chimps interact under natural conditions.

It isn't easy to let go of alpha status. Clearly, Keo liked the limelight. Before M'Chawi arrived, he was alpha with a capital 'A'. Maybe it went to his head a little bit. A little too much hooting, a little too much shoulder-rolling. Being dethroned had to sting. But how much?

The question wasn't whether they would fight, but rather how badly Keo, a relative shrimp at 135 pounds, would be hurt by M'Chawi, in the prime of his life at a very fit 260 pounds. "This is how chimps do it in the wild," Lukas said. "The competing males fight to the point of drawing blood, but once dominance is established--and usually before someone is killed--peace is made and a sort of social equilibrium takes hold for the entire group."

"There are a lot of blood vessels in the rump area, so there was a lot of blood," Barbiers said, "but the injuries weren't serious."

M'Chawi bit Keo in the ass? A lot of blood vessels in the rump area, indeed. Anyone who's ever had a big, red, inflammed monkey butt knows that it's fun to show off -- but once your ass takes a bite, it's never quite the same. How are you going to show off a butt with teeth marks? M'Chawi had crossed a line, definitely. And Keo had to be pissed. But Keo was no dummy. He had to have known there was nothing he could do against the larger, stronger ape. Keo got a raw deal, but it was all part of the game. In "Chinatown", Jake can't touch the real bad guys. And in the primate house...

The move was difficult for the keepers, who watched uneasily as M'Chawi bloodied Keo to establish his dominance. But the resulting social structure, now quite peaceful, provides zoo visitors with a better picture of how chimps interact under natural conditions.

Everything, justice included, takes a backseat to the almighty How Chimps Interact Under Natural Conditions. Chimp bit you in the ass? Sorry, pal. Got to look like natural conditions. And nature says he gets away with it.

"What we see is M'Chawi sometimes slaps others on the back hard just to show that he is boss. Then, in the next few minutes or hour, he'll make up by hugging, to show nobody is angry anymore."

Now the other five chimps show their obeisance to M'Chawi daily. The four females literally bow and scrape before him, seeking his approval before they eat or seek a favor from him.

M'Chawi knew how to smile for the cameras, but he had a dark side, all right. He liked to be worshipped. Power went to his head. The future belonged to that monkey. Dig a little further, and check out this nugget:

The merger was also the first step in bringing more attention to the zoo's chimps, which have always had a sort of second-banana status to its world-famous gorilla collection. Next year the chimpanzees will be moved to another zoo so the Great Ape House can be torn down to make way for a much bigger facility. When the new ape house opens in 2005, the zoo believes its chimps may be just as big a draw as the gorillas.

M'Chawi wasn't satisfied with being the alpha male of the chimp section. He wanted it all. He wanted to take his act on the road, and then he wanted to make his triumphant return in 2005, free of competition, and take a shot at the gorillas. M'Chawi wanted to be the number one monkey. All the pieces were in place...

But he forgot about something.

Keo is now much more subdued. He looks like he has shrunk, since his hair now mostly lies flat. "Keo spends a lot of time observing everything the other chimps are doing. You almost see him thinking about how he fits in," Ross said.

Fuck's sake! Who are they talking about there? A monkey...or Iago? Yeah, Keo did some thinking, all right. He did a lot of thinking.

Now, flash forward to the present:

The chimps were together in the Great Ape House, when M'Chawi, on the upper level, "appeared to get still and got weak'' and collapsed, Lukas said. The other chimps "went up to him and touched him, almost like they were expecting a response.''

Donna may have been expecting a response. Vicky and Kibali, too. But not Keo. He knew exactly what happened. Keo knew that it was a little something called murder. He had the motive. He had the smarts. And now, he had what he wanted.

"I think he's probably surprised by all the attention he's getting from the females,'' Lukas said, noting that "when you're not the alpha male,'' you don't get noticed as much. Now, Keo might be promoted.''

So, there you have it. A chimpanzee is dead. Another chimpanzee has what he wanted: one more shot at the big time. The zookeepers were oblivious, thrown off by the 'heart attack' ruse. Keo committed the perfect murder. Oh, sure, M'Chawi was a first-rate bastard. But did he deserve to be murdered in cold blood? Jesus, I don't know. Is the primate house a better place now that M'Chawi's tyranny has come to an end? Does that justify what Keo did? I ache to blow the lid off this whole sordid mess and tell the zookeepers what really happened on December 3rd, but that won't change anything. In the end, I, too, am bound by the damned Natural Conditions rule. My hands are tied.

But I'll tell you what I will do. I will visit the Lincoln Park Zoo this winter. You can come with me, if you want. I will head to the primate house, and I will go to where the chimpanzees are. I will find Keo strutting his stuff, and I will lock eyes with him through the glass. I want him to know that I know what he did. One guy didn't fall for it. No winning streak lasts forever, Keo. And everybody pays up some time.

(1) There are parents reading this webpage? What the fuck?