Same Day. Different Rat.

So here are the holidays again. The only ones we should ever need.

I don't want to mislead you into thinking I hate them. The holidays are nothing if not targets of convenience, big fat blimps kept aloft by humanity's collective exasperation with them. Being big and exasperating, they tend to draw fire from those too lazy to aim at smaller sleeker targets, including me. But no matter how I badmouth the holidays, I still have a fundamental regard for them.

I'll tell you why.

Fifty-one out of fifty-two weeks of the year, we are at Their mercy. You know who I mean. Them. The Type As. The overachievers. The stay-after-school-to-wash-the-blackboard-ers. The team players, the micromanagers, the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses-ers. And the Joneses too -- that Adam and Eve of conspicuous consumption, and all their numberless scuttling progeny. The ones for whom life is a lifelong race, with no pit stops.

Even if they're not around, you can still hear their voices. And boy, are they disappointed. They're puzzled that you're not doing your best, working just a little bit harder, spending just a little more time at work instead of indulging in comfort, talk, friends, family, all those pursuits that never lead to prosperity or discipline or the respect of your betters. Don't you know you're on a team, and you're holding your team back? Get with the program, get on the same page as everybody else, get agile, get ahead of the pack, get out of the way, get tough, get going.

But then, just when you think you can't take anymore -- along come the holidays.

I don't mean little one-shot holidays like Labor Day or Memorial Day. Not holidays that only exist to add a few hours to your weekend and a few extra war movies to AMC's lineup. I mean The Holidays. Days and days of holidays, chock full of traditions, cultural resonance and expected observances. In short -- the perfect distraction for Type-A personalities.

All of a sudden, they want you to get away from your ditch or your desk or whatever else constitutes your workplace environment. They want you to go spend time with your friends and family. Why? Because it's in the program! It's what team players do!

They'll still probably expect you to put up some decorations and string some lights. However, unlike their expectations the rest of the year, these will not affect your performance review. For now, for just this one week of the year, THEY stop trying to make you better by tearing you down, and leave you alone in blessed peace.

And hey. If the price I pay for this week of peace is to hear a little more Christmas music than I would like -- well, I'll gladly pay it. I might secretly wish that more carolers would sing Lou Reed's "Men of Good Fortune," but I won't complain if it's not in their repertoire.

So. Peace On Earth.

Enjoy it with my blessing.