American Demigods: "Jim" - Posted 03/08/2006

There's a local character called Jim Oberweis, he's a chain dairy store owner and wannabe Republican politician. He was one of the many impudent losers from both parties who tried to acquire the Senate seat that eventually and rightfully went to Barack in 2004. His campaign then was mostly immigrant bashing (though of course he employs lots of illegals, paying them king's wages no doubt) and his current campaign for the GOP governor's nomination (I've just decided to never, ever type the word "gubernatorial", keep me honest friends!) is mostly gay bashing. The man is every inch a dickhead.

But here's the thing...he sells such wonderful, wonderful ice cream...mmm...ice cream...Literally one of the very best chocolate milkshakes in Chicagoland, take it from a man who should know. Sadly, the ice cream is far better than the champion ice cream of the Left, Ben and Jerry's. Not to knock those very nice fellas who make very good ice cream, but the evil looney's is better. Because of his ruthless embrace of free market principles and willingness to fuck over any innocent people who stand in his way? Possibly.

God, so, so delicious...so crazy and evil delicious...I've always felt a bit guilty over consuming his products, which I don't frequently because most locations are far from me (Come to Lincoln Square Jim! I'll vote for you! Ack! What am I saying?) but when I get the chance, yes, oh yes. My friend Colleen once posited that he could be a spy, covertly serving the forces of good. Let's face it, that's fairly unlikely.

Anyway, Chicago's gay community has organized a boycott of Oberweis products on account of him being a dickhead/looney (I can't come up with another derogatory term right now, sorry) and this tears me up inside. Because frankly, my standing in the gay community has gone downhill recently, just after hitting record peaks with the Bobby incident, because I still haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, which of course, means I hate gay people. Sidebar: Seriously! Brokeback's Oscar loss is being attributed to homophobia. Somebody said that it proves Hollywood's homophobia is on the same level as Pat Robertson's! Really, it's heartwarming to see that gays have as many people willing to say batshit insane things on their behalf as any other minority.

So right, the boycott, I was worried for a while but then I read that one of the guy's major franchisees is a lesbian. A decent, hard working lesbian who says the boycott will hurt her far more than it does Oberweis, so people should keep buying their ice cream.

You know what that is: Permission to fucking buy Oberweis ice cream.

It's totally okay, because the lesbian said so.

Seriously, I think I'm going to go get an Oberweis milkshake *simply because* the boycott reminded me of their existence...

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Replies: 7 comments

There is also a Portillo's located on Golf Rd, just a smidgen southwest of the Oberweis store on Arlington Hts rd in Rolling Meadows and there's also a swanky new one on the old site of Old Orchard Theaters (the original) in Skokie on Skokie Blvd. The chocolate shake is fantastic. Don't forget Homer's on Green Bay rd in Wilmette. Yes, it's a hike for you -- but it may be worth the Oberweis boycott.

Posted by Anna @ 03/22/2006 12:03 AM CST

My research indicates there's only one Portillo's in Chicago. Clark and Grand. A neighborhood I know, but not, you know, intimately.

Posted by Rory @ 03/14/2006 09:41 PM CST

Yeah, how did this happen? I'm only slightly less shocked than the person I met a few years ago who had never tried Coke or any other soft drink. Portillo's is a little more expensive than your run of the mill Vienna Beef stand, but the wuality is a little better and more consistent.

Michelle's right- multiplied risk of congestive heart failure be a mildly major drawback.

Posted by Patrick @ 03/14/2006 05:32 PM CST

Never had Portillo's? That must soon be remedied. Portillo's is downright gubernatorial. (To make up for your non-use, I henceforth vow to use it as often as possible. In this instance, it means, "So damn tasty and also likely to kill you dead."

Posted by michelle @ 03/13/2006 04:21 PM CST

Oh, the boycott won't affect me, to quote Marc Heiden quoting Martin Blank, my psych profile indicates a certain moral flexibility.

Portillo's eh? I've never eaten there, but must check it out.

Posted by Rory @ 03/11/2006 09:30 AM CST

If you choose to adhere to the Oberweis boycott, I highly recommend the malteds at Portillos. Four stars, two thumbs up, five forks, three backwards R's... the whole shebang.
Judging by your entry, Rory, chocolate is your favorite. I've only had the vanilla, but I may do some additional research and check out the chocolate for you.

Posted by Patrick @ 03/10/2006 12:50 PM CST

Come down to West Town/Wicker Park! We have a new Oberweis store near our local Jewel--which, because I go grocery shopping once every four months, I've not yet been to.

Mmmmmm... milkshakes. As much of a europhile as I am, I fully realize that we Americans make the best goddamn milkshakes in the world. So don't get one because you're pro-gay or anti-gay, drink one because you're an American, damnit!

Posted by Twinters @ 03/09/2006 10:22 AM CST

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