Monday, April 11, 2005

a thread held together by gay bars, Nazis and the New York Times

As of last night, my new play, Activision is complete. Or rather the first draft of it is. I foresee a very different second draft as the current one is very far from what I want it to be. But it’s a milestone, light at the end of tunnel and all that. For now, I’m focusing on things like Macbeth and furnishing my new apartment and stuff like that.

I finished writing the last scene (although not the final monologue which I wrote at home) at downtown Evanston’s beautiful Unicorn Café, you’re beautiful, Unicorn Café and please keep the hot chocolate coming. While there I noticed a tossed aside copy of the New York Times and I read one of those idiotic pop sociology pieces that always makes me want to hurl large objects at other large objects. But this one is probably worse than all the others I’ve read. The article, by Jennifer 8 Lee, was about how straight men are uncomfortable hanging out together in pairs and engaging in any non-sports or non-business related activity, such as going to a movie or having dinner. It seems that straight men don’t do this sort of thing because they’re afraid of seeming gay, and when they do socialize one on one, there are “elaborate, delicate, social rituals” like making sure their chairs are sufficiently far away from each other at all times. Reading this article was like sci-fi, I mean, seriously, it was so far from my own experience it was like reading about alien creatures from another world. The Planet of the Absurdly Insecure Frat Boys. (No offense Fritz) One of the things I like most about the Internet is that when you read something that batshit deranged in the print media, you can instantly confirm that lots of people agree with you that it is in fact, batshit deranged. I discovered a number of good new blogs today. (I’m still working I swear) But it bothers me that these things get out there in the world. Straight men as a whole, need better media representation and I respectfully suggest that we fire our current agent.

Speaking of how I’m not gay, I was hanging out at a gay bar on Friday night, Sidetracks, which is a joint that has a big movie projector that shows clips of musical theatre pieces and other campy works of general interest to the partakers of Chicago’s Boystown nightlife. While watching I came to a shocking conclusion. They showed a clip of the movie Victor/Victoria and I noted that my parents were big fans of the movie when I was a toddler. Then there was a clip of La Cage Aux Follies and I remembered my parents telling me they were big fans of that too. And that’s when it hit me: back in the early 80’s both of my parents were incredibly gay. I’ve told you about my psychotic uncle Gerald haven’t I? My father has a thoroughly unpleasant younger brother whose favorite things other than drugs, alcohol and gambling are racism, misogyny and homophobia. I must confess that I’ve always enjoyed tormenting this sad waste of flesh, especially as I had to share a house with him for many years, (he and my dad both live with their elderly mother, my father to take care of her, my uncle to steal from her) Gerald decided at some point in the last couple of years that I’m gay (and he doesn’t even know I hang out at Sidetracks!) and if he ever answers the phone while I’m looking for my dad we have witty conversations like this:

ME: Hi Gerald, rob any old ladies lately? (He has)

GERALD: Gotten any dick lately?

Zing!

But anyway, he thinks I’m gay but little does he know that his burly Union construction worker older brother is the true source of mincing camp in his immediate family…

While we’re on the Nazi front, one of the less pleasant bosses here at the Adult Education Store where I work put up a bunch of trite “inspirational” signs for her employees, the underpaid overworked customer service reps to gaze at. I’m glad my own boss doesn’t go in for that kind of bollocks. One of the signs says “Don’t find a fault, find a remedy”-Henry Ford. Among Mr. Ford’s lesser known but also incisive quotes are of course “Fuck the Jews” and “You know who’s great? Hitler.”

But I kid Henry Ford, the Nazi thing aside, he was actually one of America’s more decent capitalists.

Taking shrewd advantage of post-Easter sales on Friday my lifelong friend/current co-worker Marc bought a giant chocolate bunny wearing glasses and reading a book. The bunny’s name, the packaging announces, is the Professor. Marc displays the Professor on the top shelf of his cubicle. I think he intends to display it indefinitely, which is wonderful, although I sometimes glare at it avariciously…

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Posted by Sam 06.05.05 18:57:07 @ 05/06/2005 08:56 AM CST

Well, Rory...yes we have. I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope that we'd go out on many more man-dates, before our time on this crazy blue-green globe is through. I'm really hoping your new apartment has a fireplace. Then I can curl up by the fire while you read aloud from Activision. That honestly does sound like a wonderful time.

My impression of sexual activity is that there's always a lot less of it going on than people think there should be. I mean, heck, *I* had a girlfriend in the 70's...when we were in first grade. Thank God sex has so many substitutes.

Before I forget to ask -- what is the Professor reading?

Posted by Kurt @ 04/14/2005 07:57 PM CST

We have been on several "man dates" Kurt.

I'm not sure Gerald is "proud" to be a heterosexual, if in fact he is one...Legend has it he once had a girlfriend in the 1970's, and he broke it off, that's about all the sexual activity anyone knows of him ever engaging in. The only lusts I've ever seen him are for drugs and such. He does seem to despise women other than his mother, whom he regards affably as a food source, so that's indicative of some sort of twisted heterosexuality I suppose. People are always shocked by stories of my poor degenerate kinsman (with whom I shared a primary residence off and on for at least ten years) but I just find them funny...

Posted by Rory @ 04/14/2005 08:50 AM CST

"Gotten any dick lately"??? You know, speaking of sleazy uncles who are proud that they're heterosexual -- This American Life recently reran their "Sanctity of Marriage" show. Good program, and good episode. But there's one great monologue where a heterosexual narrator wonders about the future of marriage. He rhapsodizes about the institution of marriage and its rigorous eligibility criteria. Embezzlers? Sure. Rapists? Coprophiles? No problem -- marry away! But if gays marry, that threatens the sanctity of all marriage everywhere.

That said, I don't think the insititution of homosexuality is in danger. The self-esteem of countless heterosexuals depends on it. What else could make them feel like their heterosexuality was a hard-won achievement?

Not that I'm gay or anything.

Posted by Kurt @ 04/13/2005 07:22 PM CST